Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Long post...

ok, Im just going to apologize b/c this is probably going to be longer than need be.

Dear anonymous,
Yes, I deleted your last comment.  It was not what you put, but rather how you put it - you were completely belligerent and using curse words and spewing hate.  I covered this in an earlier post, but I will NOT tolerate that here on my blog.  Its fine if you want to disagree with me - Im an adult, but to just be vicious and ugly just doesnt fly here.

I am confused though - if you hate me so much, why do you come here?  I am sorry that you are so miserable, and feel the need to make other people miserable.

As an aside, I never claimed to be holy or righteous or perfect... Im human, I make mistakes... but Daniel and I do try to do our best to treat everyone with respect and help others out as much as we can... Yes, we have made mistakes before and hurt people that we didnt mean to - we sincerely apologize... and part of being a Christian (which we do claim) is grace and mercy and forgiveness... we are thankful for everyone who has extended these gifts to us.

And I will answer your questions/accusations since you asked (albeit not very nicely)...

Do you go to church?
Yes, we do.  As mentioned before, we are Christians and do go to church.  We have been attending Shaeffers Chapel United Methodist Church since September and have tried not to miss a Sunday.  Most of the people there have shown us much grace and are happy to have us back.  The pastor was even one of our reference letters.  Before we came back to Shaeffers, we did visit other churches, but never found one that really fit - we have never church hopped, nor have we ever asked any church for money (or leave when they refused to give us any - so ridiculous).  We are still friends with members of every church we have been members of.

Do your kids go to church?
Yes, they either go with us to Shaeffers Chapel or they go with my mom and grandparents to Crawford United Methodist.... I cant recall a Sunday when they havent been in church.

Does Addie's mom help raise Gabe and Emma?
No.  We are our children's parents and take that job very seriously.  Probably what you are referring to is Gabe and Emma spending the night with her or my grandparents.  They do usually spend one weekend night with either my mom or my grandparents (but when there, they still have to abide by our rules).  We would actually love to have them home more on the weekends, but I dont want to deny my mother and grandparents time with their grandchildren.  Its also how I was raised - we always spent weekends at my grandparents house and for a few summers during college, I spent almost every night at my grandparents house - I even had my own room.  My grandparents are getting older, so I want my kids to have as much time as possible with them so they can make as many memories as possible.

Why not Wallace?
Wallace stays home with Daniel and I because my mom and my grandparents dont feel equipped to hande the special needs that Wallace can present.  Im not gonna lie - Wallace can be a handful and is medically fragile.  It is also good for Wallace to know stability and that Daniel and I are always here since he spent the first 6 years of his life being moved around constantly.  Its also good one on one bonding time with Wallace.  (and yes, we do other one on one activities with Gabe and Emma as well.)

Does Addie have a speaking relationship with her mom?
Yes... we do not just speak through the computer as was implied.  Our relationship is not the best b/c we tend to have differing viewpoints on alot of things, but we do see each other on a daily basis, spend time with each other, and talk.  I love my mom and I know she loves me.... and I know she thinks of Daniel as a son and would do anything for me, Daniel or the kids.  If we did not have a good relationship, I would not let me kids spend so much time with her... in fact, we will be spending Christmas and New Years Eve at her house.

Why did you not address me (anonymous) having a special needs kid?
Since I know who you are, I know that you do not have a special needs kid.  You have a kid with an IEP, which I know can still be tough... and yes, you do have to go to IEP meetings and such.  But your child is verbal and can tell you what is going on, your child is not medically fragile, and your child is fully potty trained.  There is virtually no chance of your child ever spending years in a self-contained special education room.  Im sorry, I know its harder than a "typical" child, and I can sympathize with you there... but you cannot tell me you actually can compare your child with Wallace.  Really?

Im sorry, I cannot remember anything else you posted... if you would like to ask more questions, then you are welcome, but it must be done in an adult manner or they will not be posted.... also, you will need to include your name, which shouldnt be a huge deal since I already know who you are.


Ok, now to answer other questions that Ive gotten lately... :)

Why did you leave those nasty comments up - why dont you just delete them?
The reason is two fold on that.... 1. I think anonymous has embarrassed themselves, and I think it is proof that there are just ignorant and hateful people out there, 2. I want everyone to know that this is what adoption really looks like... this is really the first of this kind of meanness for this adoption, but we got this kind of emails and comments almost daily when we were adopting wallace.... it gets hard sometimes.... but it makes us all the more thankful for those of us who have held us up and stood in the gap for us.  I hope it also helps others understand why Daniel and I are a bit jaded sometimes.

What is it like having a non-verbal child.
Honestly - its alot harder than I ever thought it would be.  I am an introvert and like quiet, so I thought this would not be a big deal.  It does become a big deal though when your child wakes up screaming and crying in the night and cannot tell you why - you have no idea if they are having a bad dream or if they are sick or hurting.  Just last night, Wallace fell down and started crying and he couldnt even tell us where he was hurt - thats a helpless feeling as a parent.  It also means we may never hear I love you (although Wallace will show us), it means that if Wallace is bullied, we dont know.  If he has a bad day, he has no way to express that so usually he acts out.  We dont know what Wallace's day at school looks like, we dont know what he ate for lunch and if he liked it or not... It also means Wallace cant verbally defend himself either - if a kid kicked him first so he kicked them back, but the teacher/babysitter only saw Wallace kick, then he is the one in trouble - this can make Wallace an easy target.  We believe that since Wallace was in the hospital for the first 2 years of his life, he missed out on learning how to speak as he didnt talk to anyone or have anyone talk to him - he still does not know how to make certain letter sounds... and since he is already 8, we are wondering if he has missed that window of learning.  Yes, we absolutely still work with Wallace and he has speech therapy at school, but its just not possible to tell now.  We will love Wallace either way though.

What does it mean to you to be goth?
It doesnt mean that I am obsessed with dying or feel the need to be constantly depressed or am overly interested in horror stuff.  I do like black and gray and heavy make up and tattoos and piercings. I do find a cemetery peaceful and not the least bit scary - but no, I dont want to sit there at midnight reading poetry.... :)   I do love the darker things that exist in nature - spiders, bats, skeletons, full moons and crows, etc... I think God has a darker side that alot of people miss out on and it can be very beautiful to relate to Him in that way... I know that may not make alot of sense, but I hope it helped.


The meeting with Wallace's teachers went well... everyone was civil and I feel like we got some things accomplished... they didnt give on everything, but I know that I cant win everything either... but I think we did make a huge jump forward in one area, and Im happy with that.

And just for the record, I know that Wallace's teachers do like him and they are doing a good job in most areas... Wallace is actually almost writing his name and he is counting to 3 on his own and can count to 10 with a little prompting... we just want to make sure that he is reaching his potential.

If you know me at all, I am not super confrontational - I really dont like confrontation, but I will do it if it needs to be done... especially when it comes to my children... and I wont apologize for that.


As for this adoption.... we are waiting on two papers to be notarized then then we will have just about everything ready for the dossier.

Our home study should be approved this week, so that is good news and we are keeping our fingers crossed....

So excited for our new baby girl.... :)

Thanks for sticking with this post... and I apologize that "anonymous" has ruined comments for everyone - I never want it to be moderated, but it is what it is, I guess... you can always email me at talleyimages@yahoo.com

Love yall!

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