Wednesday

We hit 6 weeks of waiting for LOA yesterday.... if we dont get it this week, then we probably wont travel in July, which kind of breaks my heart.  If not this week, then it will most likely be September before we travel.

The Little Couple on TLC are adopting a little boy from China and the first of that journey was shown last night.... it was exciting to see someone else going through the same things.  I cried quite a few times for them b/c the emotions that I felt being in their shoes were so overwhelming.

If you havent been through it, then that probably makes no sense.

They did make the comment though that what they were going through was kind of like being in the pregnancy stage.... having done both (carried 2 and adopted), adoption is way, way harder.... but their parents were super excited about being grandparents, so I guess I lived vicariously through them on that part.

To be honest, I havent allowed myself to call myself Willow's mother yet... I havent allowed myself to feel that attachment or that mother bear instict.  I know she is being cared for lovingly, so I have to know that that is enough.  I made the mistake of believing in my heart that Wallace was mine from the first time I saw his picture - that resulted in my heart being ripped out of my chest and repeatedly being tortured.  I still have the scars and even some of the wounds havent healed yet from that.  So Im trying not to make that mistake again so it will extend my patience.... hopefully.

Adoption is hard... and you never fully get it until youve been through it and are standing on the other side.

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So I just got back from Wallace's play.... which I know all of you have been wondering about.

And Ill say.... I have mixed feelings about it.

There was another little girl who was also handing out programs, and she did not seem special needs... but - we all had to sign the guest registry where there was a stack of programs that we all could have just gotten.  So in essence, "handing out programs" was not a real role in the play nor was it necessary - heck, they did it out in the hallways, not even in the same room as the play.  After all the parents came in, Wallace and the girl walked down the aisle to sit in their seats that was, thankfully, at the front with some of the other students.

And the other special needs kids were actually in the play, one with a major role, so that was really great to see and his teachers did a great job there.

There were only 2 speaking parts.... and one speaking/reading part that was given to a child who was not even in their class (there were others that were not in the class that were helping as well).... most of the kids got to wear a costume, walk down the aisle and stand in one spot the whole time.

Wallace could have easily done that - so Im not sure why they couldnt have added one more bridesmaid and groomsman to the cast.  And actually, I think he would have enjoyed that much better than handing out programs to a bunch of strangers.

So mixed feelings.... I think the teachers and school did a good job including the kids with special needs, but I think they could have actually included Wallace in the play itself.

Props to the teachers and principal though - I know with me coming it could have been a tense situation, but they carried on as normal, which was nice....

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So between the Little Couple episode last night, knowing that it we may not travel until September, and Wallace not really being in the play.... my emotions are leaning towards the weepy side today.  Trying to hold off b/c I have plenty of good things going on in my life... but I really want to just find a corner and cry it out and let it go.

Methinks that really isnt going to happen... so I guess I will just deal with it... :)