As per usual, I have contradicting thoughts on Easter (considering I have contradicting thoughts about probably everything under the sun!).... but I wont go into all that on here b/c I just dont feel like it... :)
What I will say is that Easter is my emotional downfall... Even though it is the cornerstone of my faith, I try to avoid thinking about it too much because I instantly become an emotional wreck and start crying and then bawling and have to back it up to get control of myself so for the next hour, everyone wont ask me what is wrong.
Because yes... I am one of those people who after they are done crying, their face stays splotchy for an hour afterward, at least.
But yall.... Easter absolutely does me in.
My best friend being beaten and hurt and in pain... and dying.... because I betrayed Him?
Anyway.... back to the story...
Yesterday, I had a photoshoot in Birmingham in the evening, so we thought we would go ahead and take the kids to the zoo for the day (since we are members, it doesnt cost anything)... and since Addie loves to cram as much as possible into a day, I thought since we are already going to be in Birmingham, why dont we visit David Platt's church (you know, the author of Radical)....
So yes, we all got up at 6 AM, left at 6:30 - the kids still in their pj's and drove the 2 hours to Birmingham.
And David Platt wasnt even there... although the speaker they did have wasnt bad.... but the best part of the service was the call for communion.
See... our children dont take communion b/c we feel that it is a privilege for the saved and well, they just arent there yet.... but it almost ALWAYS sparks a great conversation with them about why they cant do it and what does it mean.
And that happened yesterday.... Emma and I sat together as we watched others take communion and she asked what they were doing (it looked a bit different than the way our church does it), and what it meant.
And I got to share the story.... but between catches in my throat and a few tears - I couldnt even make it through the simplified version before I was crying.... and yall, I was doing my best to hold it together b/c I didnt want to confuse my 6 year old daughter who thinks pretty much all crying is bad.... but I think she got just a bit of it and thats enough for now... I hope it is starting to open a door into her heart and she will be able to see how beautiful Easter really is.
Ill be honest, and say I have not done a good job with Lent this year. I am finally ready to admit that I cannot add something to my already busy schedule and expect to follow through with it... what works is denying myself something that I really want. It always forces me to really hone in and focus on the suffering of Jesus and how my inconveniences mean nothing.... so next year I hope I do better.
I cant believe though that it is all coming to an end (beginning?) this weekend... That Thursday really is Maundy Thursday and Friday really is Good Friday. I dont think my heart is prepared truly.