Easter

As per usual, I have contradicting thoughts on Easter (considering I have contradicting thoughts about probably everything under the sun!).... but I wont go into all that on here b/c I just dont feel like it... :)

What I will say is that Easter is my emotional downfall... Even though it is the cornerstone of my faith, I try to avoid thinking about it too much because I instantly become an emotional wreck and start crying and then bawling and have to back it up to get control of myself so for the next hour, everyone wont ask me what is wrong.

Because yes... I am one of those people who after they are done crying, their face stays splotchy for an hour afterward, at least.

But yall.... Easter absolutely does me in.

My best friend being beaten and hurt and in pain... and dying.... because I betrayed Him?

Anyway.... back to the story...

Yesterday, I had a photoshoot in Birmingham in the evening, so we thought we would go ahead and take the kids to the zoo for the day (since we are members, it doesnt cost anything)... and since Addie loves to cram as much as possible into a day, I thought since we are already going to be in Birmingham, why dont we visit David Platt's church (you know, the author of Radical)....

So yes, we all got up at 6 AM, left at 6:30 - the kids still in their pj's and drove the 2 hours to Birmingham.

And David Platt wasnt even there... although the speaker they did have wasnt bad.... but the best part of the service was the call for communion.

See... our children dont take communion b/c we feel that it is a privilege for the saved and well, they just arent there yet.... but it almost ALWAYS sparks a great conversation with them about why they cant do it and what does it mean.

And that happened yesterday.... Emma and I sat together as we watched others take communion and she asked what they were doing (it looked a bit different than the way our church does it), and what it meant.

And I got to share the story.... but between catches in my throat and a few tears - I couldnt even make it through the simplified version before I was crying.... and yall, I was doing my best to hold it together b/c I didnt want to confuse my 6 year old daughter who thinks pretty much all crying is bad.... but I think she got just a bit of it and thats enough for now... I hope it is starting to open a door into her heart and she will be able to see how beautiful Easter really is.

Ill be honest, and say I have not done a good job with Lent this year.  I am finally ready to admit that I cannot add something to my already busy schedule and expect to follow through with it... what works is denying myself something that I really want.  It always forces me to really hone in and focus on the suffering of Jesus and how my inconveniences mean nothing.... so next year I hope I do better.

I cant believe though that it is all coming to an end (beginning?) this weekend... That Thursday really is Maundy Thursday and Friday really is Good Friday.  I dont think my heart is prepared truly.

Down Syndrome Day

Today is World Down Syndrome Day.

We are rejoicing, no doubt, that Wallace is a part of our family.  He is an amazing little boy that has been through so much in his short life so far - we are thrilled that we get to be there for the rest of it... love him!

Tuesday

Not too much going on today... we had a great weekend since the weather finally decided to be spring-like... but now its starting to look cooler again.... I cant wait for spring to finally arrive... :)

So I have been OCD-ing-ly (yall got that, right?) searching for adoption timelines so I can have an idea of when we will travel.... and who knows if all this is true or not, but if we follow the average timeline that is happening right now, we will be traveling August.

WOW! 

Isnt that crazy!

So July is still a slight, slight possibility, but its still there.... :)

And according to the timelines, we will have definitely have traveled by mid-November.

Thats just crazy to me....

To think my daughter will be here before the end of the year.... crazy!

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Back to this weekend... my mom was super-great in buying the boys a new dresser and chest of drawers and shelf.... all of which they really needed for their room (the one dresser they had was not cutting it)

And big news... Gabe has agreed to give Emma and baby sister the bunk beds, and go to twin beds for him and wallace (which we already have from pre-bunk bed days - hallellujah - a huge cost averted there).... so glad Gabe chose this - and yes, we gave him the choice as we didnt want him to feel like he was losing everything.

But now we can turn the boys room into much more of a big-boy room with two twin beds, some shelves and dresser and chest of drawers....

Im so exciting to see my boys growing up.

And Emma is pretty excited about getting the top bunk too... :)

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Life is good.... enjoying it as much as I can... hope you are too!

DTC!

I just got word this morning that we are DTC!!!!!

That means our documents are going over to China today.... isnt that exciting!

The current timelines are 6-9 months from today.... both September and the end of November would work out nicely in their own way.... but... Id love love love to be there in July still.  I know thats crazy, but it means Daniel would still be home all day and the kids too, so we could really get some bonding time in as a family.

Im not holding my breath b/c I know its virtually impossible... but I also know of a family who just got their LOA after 49 days when the typical wait is 3-4 months.... so it could happen... you never know.

Either way.... a big step towards our little girl.... and thats a good thing!

Please

Please take a minute and go visit my friend, Kat's blog... and please leave a comment

http://everlastingmomentum.blogspot.com/

They were in the process of adopting a sweet little boy from an Eastern European country.... they had just been given an estimated travel date of 6 weeks!   So soon.

And they just found out this week that their little boy had passed away.

Oh my heart!

What grieves me so much is that so many people will not realize how painful this must be... they will say that this was never her son or that they didnt really know him, so it isnt as bad as if he had really been their son.... to an adoptive parent, that kind of thinking/talking will pierce straight to the heart and probably leave a permanent scar.

That was their son and brother.  And can you imagine having to lose someone that you had fought and clawed and stretched yourself to get to... only to never even get to see their precious face or kiss them.... forever.

heartbreaking....

So please... even if you didnt know them.... I know they could use the encouragement/support/prayers/good thoughts.... this is probably one of the hardest things they will ever face... lets show them that they arent alone.

thank you.

Wednesday

Nothing new to post really, I just dont like to leave yall hanging for too long... :)

I guess the thing Im stuck on lately (since I have all this time waiting)... is picking out a name.

Its such a huge deal to me and Im even more scared to get it wrong.... ugh.  With our bio kids, we got lucky b/c we had a boy and a girl so we got to pick a girl name and a boy name that we had wanted... and both of their names fit so well.

And we didnt have to choose Wallace's name... it was given to him by the worker who pretty much raised him in the group home.  She might as well have been his mother and until he went to the foster home, he was the only mother he really new.  She loved him so strongly.... and Daniel and I both believe if she could have, she would have adopted Wallace herself.  We both had mixed feelings about leaving Hong Kong with Wallace after we met her b/c we knew it was breaking her heart (she still was so happy, but it broke her heart too)... here we were taking Wallace from the one person who had loved him his whole life.  Short term, it wasnt the best idea, but long term, we knew, it was the best for Wallace... and we still stay in touch with her and send her updates and pictures - she is now grafted into our family.  And we are so thankful that she was the one to give Wallace his English name and now he will forever have a part of her with him.

But the new little one?

I have been agonizing.  Because it has to be right... it has to fit.... except how do you give something so precious as a name when youve never met them or have any idea of what their real personality is like?  It will be with her forever.... its such a huge responsibility.

She was also given an English name - Lee... but both Daniel and Emma's middle name is Lee, and also b/c we want to keep her Chinese name as her middle name - its very similar to Lee, so it just doesnt really work.

But its so hard... b/c we will be taking everything - EVERYTHING - that she has ever known in her life... even her name... and replacing it with something totally different.  So it has to be right... and it has to be good... and it has to be something that she will want to keep forever.

So Ive been making a list of names and every so often, Ill try one out to see how it sounds on my lips and coming out of my mouth and then Ill share it with Daniel and see what he thinks...

Weve come to like quite a few... but Ive also been praying that God would give me her name... the one that is perfect.

And I think between last week and this week, He may have.

Im still rolling it around, but we will see.

Ill let you know when we decide... :)

Friday

Thank you Lannie McKee... :)

And happy birthday to my foodie friend Greg!

So far we are still waiting for our dossier to go over to China... I was really hoping for today, but Im not holding my breath.... I think next week is much more likely - Im really hoping for the beginning of next week b/c once we are DTC, it means we are alot closer to getting our official referral for our little girl... and then we can show you a picture or two... so I know you are looking forward to that!  Me too... :)

Our estimate to travel is 6-9 months after we are DTC... seems like lately though things are moving a little bit quicker for everyone, so Im still thinking September - which would be a great month to travel.  It doesnt fall on anyone's birthday or halloween... and the weather would be just starting to cool off.

I will be sad to be away from my 3 kids at home for so long, but also Im so excited to go to China and experience that culture and to have some one on one time with my newest daughter and husband.  Its going to be so hard b/c she is going to be scared to death - losing everything she has ever known to come with people who look, act and smell differently than what she is used to.  So thankful for family who will be taking care of our kids at home b/c that will be one less thing that I have to worry about.

So much on my mind and heart lately... not sure what to do with it.

So thankful that its Friday... Ill be at Coopers closet all of tomorrow but that is all I have planned for the weekend so I hope I can sneak a nap in as well sometime...  hope all of yall have a wonderful and restful weekend!

Tuesday

Been quiet around here lately... :)

Honestly, I dont know what to write anymore b/c all we are doing is waiting... and Im still a bit gun shy about being judged for what I write. 

Last Thursday was our Fat Tuesday of sorts - we went to Chik-fil-a... daniel and I decided that starting March we wouldnt be spending any more money.... no eating out, no going into stores, no going out of town.... nothing.   We still need $15,000 before we travel so we figured the only way to get closer to that goal was to sort out all the things that werent needs in our lives.

Its going to be hard.... ugh.... but Im hoping against hope that it becomes a habit and we can quit being so wasteful with what we have.

We will see how that goes.

For now, we are mealplanning our dinners, and going to the grocery store with a list... and if it isnt on the list, then it doesnt come home with us.... like I said, hard... but I know its what has to happen.

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In other news, we finally asked the church to support our adoption..... and we got $5.

So $5 closer... :)

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Thankfully, everyone is pretty much feeling better at our house.... so thankful for that.

And Coopers Closet starts this week - weve put a few things into the sale, so hopefully everything goes and that will bring us a little bit closer to our goal as well!

Happy Tuesday!